Henry David Thoreau wrote "Surely joy is the condition of life." I surely want that to be so. But I struggle with knowing what joy is and more important, how one recognizes and approaches it. Of the four immeasurable minds: loving kindness, compassion, equanimity and joy, joy is the hardest for me to understand. Is it a feeling? A state of mind? A mystical experience? The dictionary says that joy is from the Old French and means gladness, exhilaration, delight, or intense happiness. There's a town called Joy, Illinois and a functional programming language named Joy, unusual because it is based not upon lambda calculus but upon composition of functions, (whatever that might mean). Thich Nhat Hanh says that joy arises with a mind of peace and contentment. Small things can bring us joy and when we dwell in mindfulness we can touch those things. Joy contains happiness and happiness contains joy. Joy is a practice and joy is the fruit of practice. It's a way of being in the world yet you can't make joy happen, you can only be open to it when it appears. As William Wordsworth says, we are "surprised by joy." Samuel Longfellow, a 19th century Unitarian, wrote "Into all our lives, in many simple, familiar, homely ways, God infuses this element of joy from the surprises of life, which unexpectedly brighten our days, and fill our eyes with light." More intensely Carl Sandburg, a Unitarian, wrote
Let a joy keep you. Reach out your hands And take it when it runs by. As the Apache dancer Clutches his woman. I have seen them Live long and laugh loud, Sent on singing, singing, Smashed to the heart Under the ribs With a terrible love. Joy always, Joy everywhere– Let joy kill you! Keep away from the little deaths. Or Emily Dickinson: ‘Tis so much joy! ‘Tis so much joy! ‘Tis so much joy! ‘Tis so much joy! If I should fail, what poverty! And yet, as poor as I, Have ventured all upon a throw! Have gained! Yes! Hesitated so– This side of Victory! Life is but Life! And Death, but Death! Bliss is, but Bliss, and Breath but Breath! And if indeed I fail, At least, to know the worst, is sweet! Defeat means nothing but Defeat, No drearier, can befall! And if I gain! Oh Gun at Sea! Oh Bells, that in the steeples be! At first, repeat it slow! For Heaven is a different thing, Conjectured, and waked sudden in – And might extinguish me!
Life surprises us with joy and the practice is to cultivate a mind that can recognize and receive and delight intensely in it. How to do that? Now I think of my puppy. Every time I walk into her room, every time, she wags her tail and runs around and jumps up and down, so happy is she to see me. Every time. My puppy has a joyful state of mind and receives the world with joy. She's something of an inspiration to me.
Cultivating a mind that can receive joy is first, cultivating a mind that can receive sorrow. Often we know joy because we know sorrow. Only the loving heart grieves. The more we love, the more deeply we are involved with life, the more we grieve. The only way to avoid the pain is not to love, not to live. But to refuse life in this way would be to cheat ourselves of those very great joys, those deepest of satisfactions whose very absence is the cause of our pain. An open heart meets pain as well as joy. In The Prophet it is written "Then a woman said, Speak to us of joy and sorrow. And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, Joy is greater than sorrow, and others say Nay, sorrow is the greater. But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy."
Joy and woe are woven fine and if we will know joy we will also know sorrow. If we push away feelings of sadness, we will also, unwittingly, push away feelings of intense happiness. Don't be afraid of sorrow, it is but your joy, unmasked. Herman Melville wrote in Moby Dick, "And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces. And even if he forever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar."
Yet joy and sorrow are not equal. Joy is supported by a mind of peace and understanding, while sorrow, without such stable support, rests upon loss, or fear, or disappointment. It leads us to lose perspective. When we are in pain we often do not think straight. The pain so fills us that we can't see things clearly. Sometimes this results in a hopeless state, accompanied only by negatives and not by positives. Sometimes it results in a kind of nostalgic, deluding state, where we can't embrace the present, but long for a past that we recall as so wonderful, forgetting that it wasn't; forgetting that happiness is only possible in the present. Sometimes it results in a kind of paralysis. Anhedonia is the technical term for an inability to experience joy. Bound by fear, or guilt, or regret, we can only cling to our suffering and we don't allow ourselves to turn toward joy. Joy and sorrow are not equal because a mind of joy can cope with sorrow and lessen it, while a mind of sorrow cannot increase joy. It's not that joy is good and sorrow is bad. Not at all. Most of us will have both joys and sorrows in our lives. It's just that sorrow is suffering and joy diminishes suffering. Sorrow hurts; joy doesn't. If you could choose, which would you rather have more of?
While we can't make joy happen, we can practice cultivating a mind easily surprised by joy. The first way is to accept sorrow as a part of life without unduly emphasizing it. This requires a willingness and a desire and an intention to come to terms with the unpleasant, unacceptable, embarrassing and painful aspects of life. Our resentment, our expectations and our attitudes can be obstacles to joy because they keep us in our suffering. Sometimes taking on another point of view causes a big change. If I'm feeling neglected by a friend and I start thinking that my friend doesn't care for my company, I feel sad. If I think differently and see that I feel neglected, but also see that my friend has some problems of her own right now, I don't feel as sad. Maybe I even find a way to help.
The second way to practice cultivating a mind easily surprised by joy is to try and live in the present moment as much as one can. That means making peace with the past and finding some sense of satisfaction, contentment, pride, serenity and forgiveness or reconciliation or acceptance regarding it. Living in the present moment means making peace with the future and finding some sense of confidence, trust, faith, hope and optimism in what is to come. Not dwelling in past or future leaves us free to live in the present, to be here now. And when we are awake in the present, all sorts of things surprise us with joy and help to transform our sorrow. Have you ever been surprised by the sound of rain on the roof and stopped a moment to listen? Have you ever been surprised by the beauty of a strawberry and stopped a moment to taste it? Have you ever been surprised by the sight of a baby and stopped a moment to watch? Have you ever been surprised by the kindness of another person and stopped a moment to take it in? Can you recall how those times of surprise brought a little peace and joy into your life? The way to notice those little potential surprises is to be alert for them. To be present wherever you are, knowing they are all around. And to stop, just a moment, for noticing.
The practice of cultivating a mind of joy requires gratitude. Gratitude comes through recognizing the preciousness of each day, of each person; the uniqueness of each being, of each season. I got up at 1am on Wednesday night to watch the meteor shower and as I stood and sat in the darkness of the backyard, bitten by mosquitos and craning my neck painfully backward to look up at the sky, I wasn't having fun. I wasn't aware of joy. Then out of the corner of my eye, a streak of meteor went flashing by and the majesty of it thrilled me. I felt gratitude that this universe is. I felt joy. The Navaho teach their children that every morning when the sun comes up, it's a brand-new sun. It's born each morning, it lives for the duration of one day, and in the evening it passes on, never to return again. (That isn't as unscientific as it sounds. We don't step into the same river twice because the water moves. We don't see the sun from the same place twice because the earth moves.) Anyway, as soon as the children are old enough to understand, the adults say, ‘The sun has only one day. You must live this day in a good way, so that the sun won't have wasted precious time.' Acknowledging the preciousness of each day is a good way to live, a good way to reconnect with our basic joy.
The practice of cultivating a mind of joy requires fearlessness. Fearlessness to remain in the present moment whatever it might be. "No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are very rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear. . . . Once there was a young warrior whose teacher told her she had to do battle with fear. It seemed too aggressive, too scary. . . But the teacher . . . gave her instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student stood on one side and fear on the other. The warrior was feeling very small and fear was looking very big. . . They both had their weapons. The young warrior . . . prostrated (herself) three times (before fear) and asked (if she could have permission to do battle with it. Fear thanked her for showing respect.) The young warrior said, ‘How can I defeat you?' Fear replied, ‘My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don't do what I tell you, I have no power over you. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don't do what I say, I have no power.' We think we can't do it, but we can.
The practice of cultivating a mind of joy requires cheerfulness. A mind open and good-hearted enough to recognize joy. My mentor in the ministry was Donald McKinney and one trait that I especially admired in him was his cheerfulness. He would walk in the office and the place would become a little more fun. He didn't project a false perkiness or a strained smile, but a genuine mischievous joy. He made a decision somewhere along the line that he was going to show a cheerful face to the world and in doing so he brightened people up. He used his sense of humor to keep joy a possibility. I am aware that some of us are naturally more cheerful than others, but we do have choices about whether to wear the grumpy, disagreeable face, or the smile. The ways in which we present ourselves influence the ways that others respond to us, which in turn influence the ways we begin to think of ourselves. Joy is possible if we think it is. Finally, the practice of cultivating a mind of joy requires imagination. Imagination and wonder are related. Wonder and gratitude are related. Joy is related to all of them. In the story earlier, Noah found his vision in his creativity and when he touched that part of himself, he touched his source, which he called the Creator, and the very sense of connection brought him joy. We can all use our imaginations to find the paths of connection that work for us, be they creativity in the arts, meditation, prayer, experiences in nature, social justice work, or something else. Doing that which heightens our sense of connection to our sources, whether living beings or immortal beings, or laws of science, or higher powers, or the depths of our own being, ultimately brings us joy and strength and peace.
So cultivating a mind of joy is a continuous practice, a practice that recognizes and accepts sorrow, with an intention to get through it. A practice that asks us to live in the present and not be so caught up in the past and future. A practice that asks us to know gratitude, to grow fearlessness, to show cheerfulness and to use our vision and imagination for connection. When we practice such, joy becomes a condition of spirit, a musical theme that the symphonies of our lives return to again and again. Joy surprises us, but not just occasionally. Joy surprises us regularly because we have put ourselves on the path of joy. We become always open to it, as the inn is always open to welcome the stranger. Joy becomes a well from which we drink. A depth in which live the intense happiness, delight, and exhilaration which form the components of joy. Joy becomes a source of continual sustenance to us and adds immeasurably to the quality of our lives. Its happiness and delight give us a strength and peace that touch all whom we meet. May we all, over and over again, be "surprised by joy." And all the world will benefit from it. May it be so.
Closing words by Henry David Thoreau
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man (and woman) to elevate his (her) life by conscious endeavor.